when you wish upon a star

people are fucked.. trust no one but yourself because when you need someone most they will turn their backs. fuck this. fuck everyone. fuck life…. and people wonder why I want to kill myself sometimes

you don’t know what it’s like…

so I’m pretty scared to go home this weekend. on friday i have the relay for life in my new town. relay has been a part of me for the past 7 years and for the first time in my entire life i will be spending the night with strangers in my new community with no supports. that whole idea kinda tears me apart inside a little and on top of that the next day i will be driving to new jersey alone to go back to my home town…ill only be there from saturday until monday so it will be a short trip but my anxiety level on a scale of 0-10 went from like a 2-10 just from thinking about it. i don’t know what it is but every time i go to ask my friends if they want to have a sleepover while I’m there, i hesitate and get uneasy about the whole idea. there is only one house in my old town i feel comfortable going to now a days…i won’t even go sleep at my cousins anymore. for some reason, now that i have moved everything has changed. i feel so strange being in town. it makes me so nervous. i wish i knew what was bothering me…..i used to love going to all these places and now they straight up terrify me. every time i look back on old memories i fall apart. i shake, i cry, and feel so unsafe. i can’t explain the feeling but i feel so out of place. no one, not even myself will ever understand. nothing feels alright anymore. i just want a place i can call home again <3

i want to know you again lord.